There's No Place Like...Chicago

As our car crossed the state line from Illinois into Iowa, Sarah Ahlers shed a tear for Chicago.

When most college kids leave for spring break, coming home is usually the last thing on their minds. For my friend Sarah, it was at the forefront…but not in the way you might think. Growing up in a very sheltered and rural Nebraska town, Sarah realized she was a lesbian at the age of 19; something that was viewed as being “just wrong” where she was raised. It wasn’t until over a year later that she got up the courage to fully come out in every aspect of her life, and even after she did, life didn’t get any easier. Her family relationships—especially with her mother—drastically changed and Sarah started to feel very depressed.

“When my grandpa got sick, I don’t think I really got depressed until he took a turn for the worse. Ever since then I’ve just been in this funk,” she said. She stopped sleeping, and when she began hallucinating and contemplating suicide, Sarah knew it was time to get medical help, so she went in for depression medication.

To try and get away from all the stress, Sarah and I planned to spend our spring break visiting my sister in Chicago. As soon as we stepped out into the city on the first day, something about Sarah changed. She looked like she belonged there; she acted like she belonged there. She didn’t feel the judgmental eyes trying to “figure her out” like she did in Nebraska.

“I didn’t have one person looking at me. I didn’t have this big target on my chest. The people didn’t give a shit! I would rather live where no one cares,” Sarah later told me.

The energy of Chicago had Sarah wrapped up so tightly that she forgot to take her depression meds, and when she remembered, she didn’t feel like she really needed them there. Not even the slightly-creepy subway stations or leaving a bar by ourselves in a run-down part of the city after dark could dampen Sarah’s spirits. She was absolutely glowing.

“Even when things didn’t go the way we wanted them to, I was still happy; still excited. I haven’t felt that happiness in so long,” Sarah said.

After our four days in Chicago had flown by all too quickly, we climbed back into the car and began the 12-hour drive back to Kearney, Nebr. Had she been awake when we left the city limits rather than asleep in the backseat, I’m sure she would have cried then too. While I was glad to be home again, all Sarah could talk about was going back to Chicago. I wasn’t surprised when she announced that she would be moving there as soon as possible. Every time she thinks about it, every time she talks about it, Sarah can barely contain her smile. Out of curiosity, I asked Sarah what she thought the best part of our trip to Chicago was.

“The best part about going was that it felt like home,” she told me. “When I got to Chicago, it was like who I should be, I was; where I should be, I was. Everything just fell into place. There was no wrong Chicago could do. After 21 years, I have finally found home.”