I love books. I love reading books, I love talking about books, looking for books, finding books, even reading books online with my handy-dandy little Sony E-Reader. I may be addicted to the written word. And, like any true addict, I need my daily fix. But for me, it's intellectualism. Unfortunately, when your job keeps you on the move and helping customers all day, it can be quite difficult to sneak in ample time with your precious treasure tome of knowledge (especially if said tome is a large hardcover edition because you were too impatient to wait for the paperback...ahem...).
Therefore, we intellect addicts are forced to turn to our fellow man (and woman) for our fix of brilliant and stirring--or at least tolerable and coherent--conversation. I have found, however, that in my line of work, this presents something of a challenge. Mainly because the majority of my interaction with people is limited to customers who ask questions like "Is that a two-headed snake?" to which I am inclined to respond "No. Just two snakes in the same cage." Or "Yes; your tomato plants will freeze if it gets below 32 degrees tonight."
A friend of mine--and fellow shameless bookworm--is currently studying abroad in the Czech Republic, and he recently sent me a link to an INGENIOUS idea from Germany. It seems a German publisher named Hamburger Automatenverlag is restocking old cigarette vending machines surrounding the University of Hamburg with books. Let's ignore the obvious pun that someone named "Hamburger" is working with vending machines and no junk food is involved, and focus on the main cause: Books! Not highly-carbonated drinks, not cholesterol-and-calorie-soaked junk food, not even nicotine is being vended from these machines. Literature! Glorious literature from the press of a button!
Can you imagine how much better off America would be with these things?! Not only would Americans be less overweight, but as a culture we would be more well-read, more intellectual, capable of carrying on a conversation about something other than the weather, and just think of the vast improvements in spelling and grammar! :D
Goodbye Ding-Dongs, hello Dickens! Hell, I'd even take Stephenie Meyer at this point!*
*Disclaimer: I reserve the right to endlessly mock the Twilight Series as well as any and all readers thereof...because I have all four books hidden in the far bottom corner of my bookshelf...
Unfortunately, I highly doubt these wonderfully advanced book-vending machines will breach our shores in my lifetime. But perhaps my children's children will be able to choose a copy of Wuthering Heights during their break at work instead of a bag of Cheetos or a pack of USA Gold lights.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The "Why" Chromosome
I've never really been much for science. In truth, the only part of high school biology I actually paid attention to was the chapter on genetics, and that was only so I could figure out where my blue eyes and curly hair came from.
One of the few facts I have been able to retain, however, is the difference in chromosomes between men and women. I still couldn't tell you off-hand how many chromosomes are in the average human body (by the way, minus any mutations or genetic disorders, we have 23 pairs of chromosomes, which is 46 total. And yes, I had to look it up), but I can tell you that we women come equipped with double X chromosomes, while the men boast one X and one Y.
But really, how much of a boast are we talking? Sure, their Y gives them the ability to pee standing up and open that impossible jar of pickles, but our XX does outfit us with our fair share of shapely attributes, not to mention the ability to actually give life...in addition, of course, to those mind-numbing cramps, awkward (and incredibly personal) yearly doctor appointments, and the occasional emotional outburst... What was my point again?
Ok, so maybe there is a little something (no pun intended) to the whole penis-envy theory. But honestly, I'm not so sure it's really the hardware we women envy as much as the software (or perhaps lack there of). While I can't speak for all of my fellow females, I know that I certainly envy men the ability to keep their emotions in check. Maybe that little Y acts like a emotional barricade. While our feelings flood the XX gates, their Y stands strong against the tides like the little sand bag that could, keeping everything at a safe distance. Maybe that's it. When we're getting angry at them for not expressing their feelings, perhaps it's not actually their fault. I can see it now: one very angry Y holds Love and Vulnerability hostage, cocked pistols aimed at both their heads (this would be a great place for a little cartoon drawing). However, I'm not sure that argument would hold up too well in real life:
Girl: Joe, I tell you I love you all the time; why don't you ever say it back?
Boy: I want to, Molly, I really do, but my Y chromosome just won't let me!
Yeah. Right.
As a young single woman who grew up all but inseparable from her little brother and closest guy friend (and has since had her fair share of relationships with men), let me just say that I am no closer to understanding these Y carriers now than I was in the fifth grade when I was getting erasers thrown at me by my crush. In fact, I find myself, as I'm sure many women do, always coming back to the same basic question: Why?
Why would he say those things?
Why didn't he call?
Why won't he take the hint?
Why would he act that way?
Why won't he just get lost?
Why would he treat me like that?
Why why why???
Therefore, I have been thinking lately that perhaps this mysterious chromosome should be more aptly named the "why" chromosome.
While this idea had occurred to me some time ago (and no, I am not naive enough to believe I am the first to ever think of it), it wasn't until I suggested it to my mother today via text message - "I would like to officially rename the Y chromosome the Why chromosome. As in why are you such an ass?" *Disclaimer: this was directed temporarily at a man I work with; I do not believe all men to be asses. Most of the time - and received her enthusiastic agreement that I decided it may be a topic worth exploring. Maybe the name change would even help to silence some of our endless questions about men (and men, even you have to love that!); why try to understand them when even science can't give a clear explanation? Haha
If you think about it, the letter "Y" itself is rather confusing in real life (I mean really, are you a vowel or a consonant? Pick a side already! You are the alphabetic Switzerland!). Is it really such a shock that humans who carry this letter as part of their genetic makeup would be any less so? If the letter Y can't make up its mind as to what it is or wants to be, should men really be expected to act any differently? It's in their genes. Literally. (-Ahem- note that I did say "genes", not "jeans". Just wanted to clarify that).
So maybe I'm not ready to present my case to any of the higher-ups in the scientific field, and I'm sure I will never be credited with finally "figuring out" men. But for now, perhaps this simple thought process can serve as one small step for women, one giant leap for befuddled XX's everywhere.
One of the few facts I have been able to retain, however, is the difference in chromosomes between men and women. I still couldn't tell you off-hand how many chromosomes are in the average human body (by the way, minus any mutations or genetic disorders, we have 23 pairs of chromosomes, which is 46 total. And yes, I had to look it up), but I can tell you that we women come equipped with double X chromosomes, while the men boast one X and one Y.
But really, how much of a boast are we talking? Sure, their Y gives them the ability to pee standing up and open that impossible jar of pickles, but our XX does outfit us with our fair share of shapely attributes, not to mention the ability to actually give life...in addition, of course, to those mind-numbing cramps, awkward (and incredibly personal) yearly doctor appointments, and the occasional emotional outburst... What was my point again?
Ok, so maybe there is a little something (no pun intended) to the whole penis-envy theory. But honestly, I'm not so sure it's really the hardware we women envy as much as the software (or perhaps lack there of). While I can't speak for all of my fellow females, I know that I certainly envy men the ability to keep their emotions in check. Maybe that little Y acts like a emotional barricade. While our feelings flood the XX gates, their Y stands strong against the tides like the little sand bag that could, keeping everything at a safe distance. Maybe that's it. When we're getting angry at them for not expressing their feelings, perhaps it's not actually their fault. I can see it now: one very angry Y holds Love and Vulnerability hostage, cocked pistols aimed at both their heads (this would be a great place for a little cartoon drawing). However, I'm not sure that argument would hold up too well in real life:
Girl: Joe, I tell you I love you all the time; why don't you ever say it back?
Boy: I want to, Molly, I really do, but my Y chromosome just won't let me!
Yeah. Right.
As a young single woman who grew up all but inseparable from her little brother and closest guy friend (and has since had her fair share of relationships with men), let me just say that I am no closer to understanding these Y carriers now than I was in the fifth grade when I was getting erasers thrown at me by my crush. In fact, I find myself, as I'm sure many women do, always coming back to the same basic question: Why?
Why would he say those things?
Why didn't he call?
Why won't he take the hint?
Why would he act that way?
Why won't he just get lost?
Why would he treat me like that?
Why why why???
Therefore, I have been thinking lately that perhaps this mysterious chromosome should be more aptly named the "why" chromosome.
While this idea had occurred to me some time ago (and no, I am not naive enough to believe I am the first to ever think of it), it wasn't until I suggested it to my mother today via text message - "I would like to officially rename the Y chromosome the Why chromosome. As in why are you such an ass?" *Disclaimer: this was directed temporarily at a man I work with; I do not believe all men to be asses. Most of the time - and received her enthusiastic agreement that I decided it may be a topic worth exploring. Maybe the name change would even help to silence some of our endless questions about men (and men, even you have to love that!); why try to understand them when even science can't give a clear explanation? Haha
If you think about it, the letter "Y" itself is rather confusing in real life (I mean really, are you a vowel or a consonant? Pick a side already! You are the alphabetic Switzerland!). Is it really such a shock that humans who carry this letter as part of their genetic makeup would be any less so? If the letter Y can't make up its mind as to what it is or wants to be, should men really be expected to act any differently? It's in their genes. Literally. (-Ahem- note that I did say "genes", not "jeans". Just wanted to clarify that).
So maybe I'm not ready to present my case to any of the higher-ups in the scientific field, and I'm sure I will never be credited with finally "figuring out" men. But for now, perhaps this simple thought process can serve as one small step for women, one giant leap for befuddled XX's everywhere.
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